We all started out as children – vulnerable and needy. Even if we were lucky enough to have nurturing caretakers (& many of us were not), all of us have had times when our needs were not met, or not met enough. Times we were overwhelmed with disappointment, sadness or fear, grief or worry – times when no one was emotionally attuned enough to offer us the empathy, comfort, protection, or reassurance we needed.
We survived; we grew up and became adults. And yet, unless that hurt child received the acknowledgment of the emotional pain endured (and sometimes the physical pain too), the pain remains. Buried deep within us, the inner child remains, unhealed.
Among the most powerful transformations I’ve witnessed in therapy has been the reconnection of the conscious adult to that hurting child. No one knows what that child has endured more than the adult that child has become. The child endures – long neglected but still waiting to be recognized.
The inner dialogue between the adult and the child can be the most healing part of therapy. It is a unique experience for each individual. Below is a general guideline to be used to make that connection for yourself. Modify it as needed. My video can be used as an aid to assist you in starting your own healing process.
1) First, begin by releasing tension from anywhere in your body. RELAX. Allow your breath to become slower and deeper as you prepare to take the journey inward. Breath in and out, slow and deep. Take time.
2) Invite the child to appear. For some, there may be a clear image, for others it may be a voice or it may be a felt sense. When you sense the child has shown up, say THANK YOU. The child may be eager to be contacted, or maybe reluctant or mistrustful.
3) If the child allows you to draw close, stroke the child’s head, or perhaps hold or embrace it. If the child is withdrawn, be patient. Let it know you’ve come from its future. No one knows more than you what this child has endured. You understand. Let the child know you are SORRY for the suffering it has experienced.
4) Ask the child to FORGIVE you for your neglect. The child has been alone, disconnected. You’ve come to make up for the lapse. Take time to reconnect with the child. It may not happen right away. Reassure the child that you are committed to earning its trust. It may take time. Be prepared to take as much time as needed to reconnect. You can ask the child what it wants or needs to trust you.
5) Express your LOVE for the child. When the child accepts your sincerity, invite the child to take shelter in your heart. With it safely tucked there, you can continue to check in, asking what it needs, providing the consistent support and nurture that heals old wounds.